I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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