Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
