Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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