the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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