Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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