that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
