I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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