Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
