Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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