I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
