I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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