Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
