That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
