Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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