Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
