Where is the hickey?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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