**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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