That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
