while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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