The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
