She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
