My hand turned me down
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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