His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
