based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
All the doctor said was why
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
