Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
