I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
