Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
