So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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