hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
