this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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