its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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