Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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