I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
