You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Congratulations! We have a period
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
