I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
where am i from again
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
