I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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