To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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