I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
