hell yes lets make some ravioli
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
