i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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