quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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