About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
