We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
