Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
