his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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