i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
