ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
