Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
