as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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