my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
