Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
