I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
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"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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