Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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