He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
