So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
