Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
