I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
