Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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