Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
