quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
