he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
