matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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