im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize