so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
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Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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