Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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