So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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