If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
