I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
