Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
