The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
