Can i not drive my cunt home
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
